FORGIVENESS: The Reason For Your Pain...part ll

           

     I felt led to continue with what we were talking about on pain and forgiveness and how intricately they are woven together, as just this past week, I have had to experience and put into practice some of my own thoughts and advice on forgiveness, and I can tell you that forgiveness in its practiced and active state is powerful!  Being on the receiving end of it is powerful as well!

     When you know that you have deeply hurt or harmed someone close or important to you and they have chosen to forgive you (when you ask), and not hold it against you, it really allows for healing before things fester and get worse.  We all know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of the hurt, but when we can imagine how deep or scarring our actions might be to another we are better able to see and realize we don’t want to cause pain, we want to be a part of the healing process, not the hurting process.

     In the last article I talked about forgiving people in our past who have really caused us some deep rooted pain and what we tend to view as damage—as in forever damaged, but the damage can be healed and made whole and that is exactly what God wants to do, and if we let Him do it, it will bring glory and honor to Him and His kingdom.

     Some of the problem in forgiving people who have hurt you in the past could be that the damage or abuse is still happening and or the only way it ended or will end is to distance yourself from that person or people.  This truly is a difficult situation as I have this issue in my own life and consequently don’t have certain people in my life who should be and who I ultimately want in my life.  I cannot at this time attempt to have them in my life as the relationship would not be healthy and or Christ centered. But, I do want to operate in active forgiveness toward them so that someday maybe there can be a healthy and Christ centered relationship between us.

     I am going to say something at this point and I want everyone to know that I am speaking to myself as much as anyone else—we all have pain, but we have a tendency to think or feel our pain hurts worse than someone else’s. The degree or depth of our own pain and suffering causes us to think sometimes that we have been hurt deeply enough that it somehow relinquishes us from forgiveness, both receiving it and giving it.

 

     There is nothing you have endured at the hands of any other person that could measure up to the suffering our Savior went through for us.  Nothing! This helped me when I started to really think about it—not only did Jesus endure the physical pain of being nailed to the cross, the brutal beating on His back (for our physical healing), not to mention, the emotional and psychological pain he went through, but He went through all of this KNOWING beforehand, the pain and agony to come!  If any of us knew the pain we were going to go through and we had a choice to not go through any of it, even if our pain could help or save another, we would say no thank you. He did not! Jesus is our example and He endured pain and suffering and He did it for us. Our pain is meant to help and heal another, if we let it!

Once again, this puts a different light on how we see our pain and I really believe that is the key to this active forgiveness taking up residency in our hearts.

  

     What can be a real beginning in this process of forgiveness is to remember that we are now new creations in Him, before we were born again and before we knew our Savior we were dysfunctional and unhealthy in our emotions and (probably) our bodies as well. That made functioning like productive and healthy people impossible, but now we are functioning and we are productive and we are whole by the power and the blood of Jesus.

     No more harboring bad or negative feelings or unforgiveness in our hearts. In the past, before I let Jesus show me that He would use my pain to help set others free, I couldn’t let things go because I hadn’t changed and every time my dysfunction (the scars of my past) caused me problems (almost always) I would revert to my past and blame those who have scarred me, but now I can say look at me, now that Jesus has changed the very core of who I am. I don’t want to dwell on the past anymore, I want to show the world that Jesus can do some serious changing us, if we will let Him. 

     I believe people think forgiveness just comes, you say it, and maybe you even mean it, but if you don’t become active it cannot become real and present in you and the life you now live as a new creation in Him. Now viewing or seeing our pain as damage is not the way to look at it—you are now equipped with the tools necessary to help someone else who is going through what you already have or may even still be going through. God wants you to understand that your pain has brought you to the point where you are now, and that God chose you to endure what you did so that you could be used by Him to bring someone else to that same point and place where you are now—forgiven, healed, whole and complete.

     What a different and glorious way to look at our past and the people who helped shape who we are today. And remember, the main person in your life now is Jesus and He says your past is important and not just because of the damage it has caused you, but also because it was meant to bring you to Him, and others to Him once you let Him heal you and forgiveness becomes active and real.  We can’t change if we don’t forgive or receive forgiveness.  I have to say, not thinking about someone or just not thinking hateful thoughts about someone (yourself included) is not forgiving, it is harboring and there is a big difference between the two. 

     Once we understand our pain and now how it directly relates to forgiveness for the people who inflicted or caused it, I think the next step is to ask God what role the person or people will take in your life now that real, true, deep and abiding forgiveness has begun. Maybe it won’t be any more than you really not harboring bad feelings and unforgiveness toward them, especially if they are not born again and not living their life for the Lord. But, it could be that you are the one who is going to help bring them to the Lord so you want to be in tune with what God wants for you and the other person.  Maybe for now it is active forgiveness in your heart and the relationship is going to come later, but you want active, living and abiding forgiveness in your heart and on ready. You will want a place available in your heart when that time comes. Remember, we control what goes in and out of our heart.

     Another thing that is helpful when dealing with the pain of your past and the people responsible is to think about a relationship with this person or people, think about what that would be like in its healthiest state, entertain thoughts of what it would be like to have a Christian, Christ centered relationship with them. If you find this almost impossible to do, try to remember that God wants them to make heaven their home just as much as He wants you there!  2 Peter 3:9, “The Lord is not slack concerning His promise…, but is long suffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance.” (NKJV)

      If forgiveness were an easy thing to do would Jesus have told us so many times that we must forgive or we will not be forgiven? I don’t think so. Again I will say, He is our perfect example, no one could go through what He endured for us and not only forgive us, but want a relationship with us afterwards and He wants us to do the same thing with those who have hurt us. We can only do that by abiding in His forgiveness, in and of ourselves we cannot.

     Sometimes when it is hard to get along with someone I remind myself that they are going to be in heaven with me so I better learn to not only get along with them, but I better learn to love them as well! Do we think heaven is full of people who just go around ignoring or tolerating each other? I don’t think so.

     Whatever we do is supposed to bring glory and honor to God and believe me when you extend forgiveness to someone the secular world would say doesn’t deserve it you bring Him glory and people want to know this God who could heal those kind of deep wounds. Let’s try to remember that the next time we are licking our wounds and wallowing in the pain of our past. 

     Jesus wants us living and abiding in the same kind of forgiveness He died to give us.

~

     

FORGIVENESS: Understanding The Reason For Your Pain

There are issues of forgiveness in my life--both receiving and reciprocating it. There, I said it, now let me explain…

      I know that forgiveness is a choice, but I believe that is the first step in a “process” of forgiveness. I don’t think you can just suddenly find a place in your heart for forgiveness that wasn’t already there. You have to clean your heart out and make room for this new thing of forgiveness, think about that for a minute, because you had something in your heart for whoever you need to forgive and if it wasn’t forgiveness and love then you need to get rid of whatever it was and make room for the “new” thing you are going to let fill your heart about that person. You also have to clear out a place of love for the person you have forgiven, and that is going to be a process, and you are going to need the help of Jesus. This is where that old cliché rings true, it is easier said than done. It is possible though, and we must forgive others as God has forgiven us.

     In Matthew 6:9 Jesus begins teaching how we should pray and in The Lord’s Prayer verse 12 He says, ”And forgive our debts, as we forgive our debtors.” Down in verses 14 and 15 Jesus tells us that if we forgive we will be forgiven; if we don’t forgive we will not be forgiven. I think forgiveness is a serious enough issue that it needs to be lasting and active in our hearts.

      I think people believe they have forgiven when, in fact, they have not.  Forgiveness is an issue with more people than would probably be willing to admit, but for those of us with addiction in our past we have a hard time because the hurt others inflicted on us is the very root of our being drawn to an addiction in the first place. We were seeking something we didn’t get from important, impactful people in our lives and the hurt made us look for it in an external way even though the hurt was not external, it was and is internal. This is why The Answer is Jesus inside of us!

       It can also be the reason we seem to forgive and to take it back.

     I have what I consider relapses in forgiveness. Walking in forgiveness and all its wonderful glory one month (week or day) and wallowing in the shame and guilt of my past, and the anger of those who have hurt me the next. In other words, giving up my own already paid for forgiveness and rescinding any forgiveness I have already given to those who have hurt me. Now, this is not physically happening (I’m not telling anyone I no longer forgive them), but it is something that is taking place spiritually in my heart. This is why I think that the process of forgiving works better than just choosing to forgive.

      It took time and a process to hurt you, and it took time and a process for you to become damaged and broken from that hurt so it makes sense that giving this over to God is a process. He can do whatever needs to be done in a split second, but He knows that we need a process in order for it to become effective, active and lasting.

     Even our salvation is a process. Philippians 2:12 (NKJV) says, “...work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.” That part of the verse suggests to me that there is a process we will go through to “work out our salvation”. Our salvation is not a onetime thing it is a journey that we now travel with Jesus and the Holy Spirit inside of us and the destination is heaven where God the Father waits and longs for us. I do not mean that we can obtain our salvation through works, we cannot. I am saying that once we are saved it doesn't stop there, the journey goes on and there is a final destination.

     Don’t get me wrong, I am not suggesting we treat forgiveness as something we can give and take back and we are told that we must forgive even as our Father has forgiven us, but if we really do it in our hearts and not just with our mouths then it has to be done by understanding what the hurt has done and that it has caused the pain in our lives ultimately to bring us and glory to God!

      When we see that our pain even though caused and inflicted by someone else is the reason we came to God, we can, instead of holding anger and hate for them, actually begin to even be thankful to them, for without our testimony of what God saved us out of (the pain they inflicted) we would not know our Savior and we would not know the power of being set free and now the purpose of being used for His kingdom! 

     Everything with God and the “new” He does in us is supposed to change us from deep within so that we are indeed becoming “new creations in Him” and that what is happening in us is not only active and lasting so that we have an abundantly blessed life in Him, but that others see what He is doing in us and they can’t deny His power—at least in our life, even if they don’t want it for themselves. Someday they will.

                                                                                                           

      When Jesus went to the cross so that we could be forgiven it was not some light thing He just made a choice to do. First of all, that was the very reason He was born, to die for us, but as the time to actually give His life up for us was drawing nearer He asked God the Father if there was any way at all that He might not have to actually go through with it, Matthew 26:39 (NKJV), “He went a little farther and fell on His face and prayed, saying, ‘O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will.’” Our Savior, “fell on His face” in distress and sorrow over what was about to happen to Him so that we could receive AND give forgiveness. It is serious!

     So how do we obtain and maintain forgiveness in our hearts and lives? Well, here’s what God has been showing me in my heart.

      I am referring to forgiveness from and for serious life issues, I am not referring to, for instance, someone took your usual seat at church and you got irritated with them and since last Sunday you have been snubbing them, they probably aren’t even aware of it and you bringing it up now will likely, only cause serious issues between you both— besides, those are the kind of issues that should be a quick and simple choice to forgive, they don’t need a process, they have not caused long term damage, and forgive these right away so that they don’t become bigger issues. I am talking about forgiveness for someone in your life who caused you some serious and deep pain and what you think is long term damage. God will show you it is not long term damage anymore! He is about to set you free!  

     Let’s say you have now made a choice to begin the process of forgiveness—will the decision be to now love them or just not think terrible, yes even hateful thoughts about them anymore or will it be to not think about them at all?  I asked God, what is the answer here? My heart got this—of course you ultimately want love to reign in your heart and God will honor that you have begun the “process” of forgiveness, because your heart is now in the state of readiness to forgive.  

     Ask Him to begin to really give you a love for that person and an understanding of their damage and pain. Hurt people, hurt people.   Even if you are aware of someone’s issues in life and what kind of damage and pain they have endured you do not know the extent of how deeply someone might be or has been hurt. Only God Himself knows just how deeply we have been wounded because He is the one who is going to heal our brokenness. A good start is to ask Him to give you an understanding that those who have hurt and harmed you have also suffered at the hands of another.

     There is purpose in pain. Kahlil Gibran wrote in his book, The Prophet, “…And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears. And how else can it be? The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. Some of you say, ‘Joy is greater than sorrow,’ and others say, ‘Nay, sorrow is the greater.’ But I say unto you, they are inseparable.” This is so true; we can’t enjoy the one without having experienced the other. We would not even know how to embrace joy if we had not endured sorrow.

     So if we can now look at our pain differently we can begin to look differently at those who were or are involved in causing or inflicting it.

     How boring and dull would this world be if there were no wounded people? Think about that, we all have pain and some degree of dysfunction in us and each one of us have a story to tell of how God is changing the pain of our past and making it into His beautiful story of redemption and creating in us the creations He always intended us to be. That my friend is exciting news—because we are part of God Almighty’s Destiny and there is nothing boring or dull about God and His plans! 

     Once we realize this we can begin to ask God the true purpose for the pain in our past because there is a purpose for it, I assure you that you did not suffer in vain. It is part of this wonderful plan that He has for your life and He will use your pain to heal someone else’s—that is just how God works. I don’t know about you, but that makes me (and the pain of my past) seem very special to God and His overall plan!

      I wanted to make sure that we all understand that forgiving as our Father forgave is the kind of forgiveness that will need His power active and lasting in us. He forgave us and offered up His Son for our forgiveness—not one of us could or would give up a child for anyone or anything!   

                                                                             

     I think we should talk more about pain and forgiveness, but I don’t want to overwhelm anyone—myself included. Remember I said in the beginning that I have my own issues with forgiveness so these are steps I’m taking and a process I am going through with some people in my own life. But, the good news is the Good News and Jesus is with me (and you) every step of the way.

~

Growing In God...Giving God What Is His

       “I don’t want to, or I don’t know how to give it to God. I want God to just take it from me.”  Oh, I have said those words so many times in my life.

      If we really think about it, we don’t want God to just take it from us—if we give something we have freely given it and we don’t feel a sense of loss, instead we feel a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction; however, if something is taken from us we feel a sense of loss and as though we have been wronged or an injustice has been done to us. God is not an unjust God.

        The reason we have to give it to Him is because, first of all, He is a gentleman and He won’t take it forcefully from us, and second, because that is how we grow in our personal relationship with Him. He wants to know that we are willing to give it to Him.

       Relationships are give and take, we all know that, but it must be a reality in our lives. We give Him our pain, our insecurities, our fears, our hopes and dreams too, and He takes those things we give to Him and in exchange He gives us His peace, His help, His guidance, His promises and His blessings.

 I’m learning that there is no sense at all in trying to build walls or have things in my life that separate me and God.  He already knows my heart and everything in it, so if I don’t give my entire heart to Him it is going to cause me problems in my walk with Him and in this new life He is creating for me. 1 Samuel 16:7 (NKJV) “...for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” He knows our heart and the intent of it at all times, and a wall does just that, it separates us from Him!

    

     Maybe we are struggling to know His plan for our lives, or maybe we are struggling to give Him our pain of being hurt in the past. For many there are issues of forgiveness. There is a spiritual battle going on and the enemy doesn’t want you to know that you can give everything to God. And not only can we give it to God, but we are instructed in 1 Peter 5:7 to give our cares to Him. Also, Psalm 55:22 (NKJV) says “Cast your burden on the Lord, and He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved.”  Jesus Himself tells us in Matthew 11:28-30, “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Jesus is so serious about us giving Him our cares, concerns and worries that the last part of chapter 6 of Matthew is Him telling us that God our Father feeds and clothes everything in creation and that we are so special to Him that of course He will also do it for us, the very ones He loves the most.  But we must not worry and we must spend our time and attention furthering the kingdom of God. He wants us to look to Him for everything; He is Jehovah Jireh, our provider.

     Oh, so we give Him our worries and concerns and He gives us all our needs met, both spiritual and physical, sounds like a great deal to me!

     I still struggle with this. I still have a hard time with pushing on, pressing through, and walking in victory. And sometimes I feel like an infant who still needs to be weaned off the milk and start learning how to eat the solid food of God’s word and His ways. And yet, there are other times when I feel so grown in Him and full of Him that nothing could stop my progress.

      As with everything in life, and it is no different in this new life in Christ, there are highs and lows, but they are really what make this life exciting. Waiting and trusting in the Lord to see how He is going to help you get through this next step can (if you let it) start to become exhilarating as your thoughts and prayers go one way and His answers come in another.

     Remember, His ways are not our ways. Isaiah 55:8-9 (NKJV), “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts.” That statement and those verses used to confuse me and make angry—then I realized I wouldn’t want to serve a God whose ways were my ways—what a mess that would be. The reason for the confusion and anger was because I thought that meant He couldn’t or didn’t really know me, but just the opposite is the truth. It means He knows what is best for me.

     I know that even when I don’t think I am growing in the things of God that if I am just obedient to the Lord and what He is guiding and leading me to do, I will be able to look back on my life and see “God’s signature all over it” and realize that in fact I was growing and that was God moving.

     Growing in Him doesn’t always happen in the way we think it should.  Sometimes we come to realize we have grown in an area that we didn’t even know we needed to grow in. I love my Abba Father and that He does that for me, He knows me better than I know myself and He sees and knows what I need or don’t need long before I ever do...”For your Father knows the things you have need of before you ask Him.”(Matthew 6:8 NKJV)

     I may not know what my need is and I may be seeking Him about or for one thing and suddenly I find myself in a test or trial I thought I had already overcome. That is when I sense the Holy Spirit—something wants my heart’s attention. My heart senses a need I didn’t know I had.

  

     

     That is what this new life is all about. Learning how to give God what is His. YOU.  You and everything about you is what God wants. You are His and He knows what is best for you and remember He has great plans for you (Jeremiah 29:11), and you can trust God.

      It’s like anything else in this new life with our Lord and Savior, we have to walk it out, we have to live in it or it will lose its effectiveness in our life.  We have to experience Jesus and our freedom through Him every day, all day long, if we don’t we will be opening ourselves up for the old patterns and behaviors, and we may begin to let go of the transformation God has already done in us.

      I have walked away from God before, it is not something I’m proud of, BUT GOD, uses everything we go through to bring glory to Him and to help us to grow and draw closer to Him and He showed me that even during that time He Never Left Me! I can even draw strength from my backslidden days—it helps me now when I am tempted to give in and give up. I can remember those days when I tried to do life on my own and how messed up it got, and I am able to remember and realize that I was not better off without God, I was in fact miserable. Praise God that He is forever married to the backslidden heart. “Return, O backsliding children,” says the Lord, “for I am married to you.” (Jeremiah 3:14 NKJV) He loves us enough to let us go if we think He isn’t the answer, and He patiently waits while we learn valuable lessons about trying to walk away from The Truth after having walked in it.

     One of the valuable lessons I learned was that I can get as close to Him as I want to, and I can also get as far away from Him as I want. He patiently waits for us to see that without Him we cannot do this thing called life, nor do we want to, now that we have known the power of truth. But, we must remember that yes He is waiting for us to come back to Him, but He knows that we are creating consequences for ourselves while we are denying Him. Galatians 6:7 (NKJV) “Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.” This is the thing, you have as you know, your free will and you can walk away from God because He always and forever loves us, but He will not force us to love Him. But walking away from Him can mean some very serious consequences or “reaping” even once we have come back to Him.

     My years away from Him were the years of my life that I went to addiction and tried to fill myself with the things that are temporal and people who never cared for or loved me. Those were years of sowing a life of sin that affected a lot of people in my life who are still suffering the reaping of my sowing. Like the quote says, “No man is an island entire of itself...” what we do affects a lot of people around us.

     Let’s live like we know we do affect others, and now instead of making people in our lives mop up the mess of our mistakes let’s shower them in the overflow of the blessings of God in our lives. They will take notice, I promise.

     Give yourself to God, give all of you to Him and don’t hold back because if you give everything and all of yourself to Him you will grow in God and that’s what this new life in Him is all about. 

~

    

     

"I'll Always Love You and I'll Never Leave You"

            "I’ll always love you and I’ll never leave you.” He said it and yes I had heard it before, but this time it would be different, this time I knew it would somehow be different. I don’t know why I thought for a second that anything would be different, after all, everything  was happening just as it usually did. Why did I think something was going to be different?

Nothing changes unless something changes.

       I have taken longer to post than usual and I am sorry for that. God has been guiding and leading me about what to write and share and it is going to get more personal so I had to really seek Him about specifically what to share and how to talk about such “tender” issues.

     My heart is to share and not only in doing so continue to heal wounds and scars of my own past, but also to hopefully, maybe, touch another’s life and help them find some hope through my story.

     I have said a few times in past articles that people can be addicted to people—the secular world and the addiction “specialists” call it codependency. Whatever you want to call it, it is an unnatural desire for another person to the point that it becomes interruptive to one’s ability to function, thrive and grow.

       “I’ll always love you and I’ll never leave you.” He said it and yes I had heard it before, but this time it would be different this time I knew it would somehow be different. I don’t know why I thought for a second that anything would be different, after all, everything was happening just as it usually did. Why did I think something was going to be different?

      He had come into my life talking tales of love and happiness as though they were something he knew anything about. And I hungered and thirsted for something, someone, enough to believe what he was telling me. The word tales here has a double meaning which fits what I’m referring to—a tale is an account or description of something (the great life he was promising), and a tale is a little fib or lie (the not so great truth that he wasn’t promising).  Over the years this would come to be my story and it would not be specific to any one man, but in fact a few men.

      I must say at this point I was not addicted to sex; however, when you have self-esteem issues as a young woman who didn’t have many or you had lacking or nonexistent healthy relationships with men you will begin to get your identity in sexual relationships in hopes that someday one of them will finally “notice” YOU and subsequently fall madly in love with you. In reality it doesn’t work like that—instead the more you give intimately of yourself the more your self-esteem is shredded to pieces. There is nothing more damaging to your self than to have given your most intimate parts to someone only to have them not want you anymore—ouch! That is pain that goes deep. I know. This is how damaging it is, the bible tells us in 1 Corinthians 6: 18 (NKJV), “Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.” It is damaging to the very core of who we are.

     I spent most of my young adult life being addicted, codependent or unusually, abnormally attached to men. Not necessarily any specific man, I mean, if any certain one stayed around long enough to make the unusual attachment more intense and “love like” to me then I would think, feel, or surmise that yes indeed he loves me and he might be one that was a little more difficult to get over when the time for leaving me came, but that is the only specifics about it. And of course, there was never any doubt that it was love that I was experiencing even though I really had no idea what love even was.

      I am sort of like the Samaritan woman at the well. Read the (true) story in John 4:7-29. I have been married four times. I was married the first time when I was only fourteen years old and I was honestly only in love with one of my husbands. Even that love, I would come to find out 5 years later, was not the kind of love I needed and I finally realized I didn’t want it either.

      I was on my fourth marriage and I was just figuring out a man can’t make me happy and this guy loves me the best way he knows how, it just isn’t enough for me.

     If we have never fully known love we will look for it almost anywhere, yes, sometimes even where we have already looked and not found it. And we will think and feel that emotions are somehow connected to real, true love. Yes, we can and should have emotional feelings for people we love and care about, but having feelings for someone does not mean we love them and it certainly does not mean they love us!

     I didn’t want this to be a lesson on love because everyone is an expert and really no one knows what they are talking about, unless they are talking about God’s love. God’s love is agape love which means it is unconditional love, there are no strings attached to it and you don’t have to pay a price for it.

     The world’s idea of love or the love that our flesh is familiar with is a love that always costs someone something. It is painful in its very nature and we only think or feel that someone loves us if we hurt either when we have it (love), or if we suddenly don’t. Codependent people become so familiar with the abuse and or neglect from others that when they don’t have it they feel as though they can’t go on. They “feel” unloved.

     Love is not a feeling. We have all heard this a million times, but people who have never known God’s agape love and who are codependent don’t seem to be able to separate the two.

     Even though I finally got over my thing of needing a man in my life, it wasn’t until I let God be the thing I needed that I finally felt fulfilled. He is the only man I need in my life and I have been set free from getting my identity and sense of worth through a mere man.

     Isaiah 54:5-6 (NIV) “For your Maker is your husband—the Lord Almighty is His name...The Lord will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—a wife married young, only to be rejected.” I have clung to these scriptures because they are my story. I was married young, rejected and abandoned by so many men who said to me, “I’ll always love you and I’ll never leave you.” Jesus is the only one who can say that statement to us and mean it! He is the only one who cannot (if we have accepted Him as Savior) ever leave us and if He went to His death so we could have life—He really, truly, with no strings attached—loves us. Think about that for a minute, before He knew we would accept Him, He still died for us, and He knew that some would never accept Him yet He died for them also.  I believe that qualifies as real love.

     I began in my life to let My Savior “court” me, and in turn, I am courting Him. Yes, guess who I finally “let” fall madly in love with me? My Savior, the lover of my soul.  I talk to Him like I would a husband, and I talk to Him like a close friend, because He is. I tell  Him everything and if I get too lonely I ask Him to bring healthy people into my life and He does. Jesus is my everything and my all! 

     I have been happily and joyfully in a committed relationship with Jesus Christ for years now, and I have never been happier. I have been single and without a man of many tales for over 10 years now, and I am truly blessed. The wonderful thing is that I can take what I have learned and am still learning about my relationship with Jesus and make it the center of any and all of my relationships and they will be better because of it.

     Jesus longs to know me and I long to know Him. If I miss a day of prayer with Him I truly miss Him, and feel lonely for Him! I can’t wait to get my heart connected with His and it is a relationship I treasure and want to nurture and have grow. His words are “love letters” to me and I read it as such. His word teaches me about His Ways and His Heart and guides me on how to open up my heart and my ways to Him—just the way a healthy, vibrant relationship should be.  

     Those of you who find yourself in relationship after relationship and you can’t seem to ever find love—STOP looking, let it find you! Jesus said, “Behold, I stand at the door and knock...” Revelation 3: 20 (NKJV), let Him be the love of your life, and you will finally know happiness.

     Jesus is the Only One who can ever say to any of us—“I’ll Always Love You and I’ll Never Leave You”—He means it. Let Him love you today.

~

    

       

         

"Just Get With The Program"...Why programs don't work!

     I scrambled hurriedly into what seemed like an abandoned hallway or wing of the hospital where the CO-DA meetings my daughter and I had been court ordered to attend were being held. I’m chronically late so I was just trying to get there before we were noticeably late. CO-DA stands for co-dependents anonymous and as my daughter and I sat down next to each other, we began to listen as the people announced who they were and “what” they were. My heart sank as each person took turns...”I’m so and so and I’m an ‘addict’ “, “I’m so and so and I’m an ‘alcoholic’ ”,  “I’m so and so and I’m ‘co-dependent’ on men”, “I’m so and so and I almost could not wait for this ‘meeting’ tonight”, “I’m so and so and I just got my 13 years ‘sober badge’.“ 

      Listen, 13 years sober is absolutely something to celebrate, but I have known people to be clean and sober for 30 years and fall back into the trap of addiction and if after 13 years you are still tied, tethered or bound to some kind of meetings PLEASE let them be meetings at the House of God learning how you can be set free from being an”------”.

      

     If my memory serves me I don’t think we ever went back to another CO-DA meeting and if we did it was only once.  Someone or “Something” made it possible that what was court ordered meetings we ended up not having to do.

     

     If we have to keep chasing a “lifestyle” or mantra to stop chasing our addictions then let it be the lifestyle and mantra of Jesus Christ who says “I have come to set the captive free.”, He didn’t just say it, He means it!  

    

     The addict’s anonymous meetings started out to be a great idea, but really if we can’t give credit for our sobriety to God Almighty do we really think we can find our strength in “God as we understand Him to be”? WHAT?  We better understand God as the Sovereign God that He is, and it won’t work to surrender everything to your higher power, unless you know Him to be The Highest Power!!! Think about how foolish all of this is...”maybe today”, says the ‘recovering’ addict, “is the day I am weak and WANT to drink or use drugs, maybe today I only understand God to be able to help me in the past, but not today, today I am weak and I don’t know or understand Him as a God who SET ME FREE, so I think I’ll have a drink and get back to ‘recovering’ tomorrow.”  Yes, if we do this we will always be addicted, but we DON’T have to be.

    

     This is nothing more than an excuse to relapse because after all you are only a recovering addict... always and forever recovering! That means that you ultimately become addicted to “meetings”, “sponsors”, this “higher power”, and some “god as you understand him” or it to be! WHAT??? This is not freedom, but in fact, “bondage”!  Galatians 5:1 (NKJV) tells us to “Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage.” Don’t become entangled and in bondage to meetings, mantras or programs!

    This is why Jesus said that He came to set the captive free, because, He is the only One who can set us free. He doesn’t want us to fill the void of our addictions with meetings, lies of never being free and always in a state of “recovery”—that’s not hope, that’s false hope and it won't last.  If you want freedom, you never have to entertain those things of your past again, unless you are “called” to help others after you have been set free, and then the thoughts of the past will be to tell the story of how our Great God set you free and how He can and will do it for others too.

     Too  often  in the actual meetings of these programs there is a lot of time spent hashing over the things of the past until it becomes a sort of glamorizing of these old behaviors and the next thing you know someone can’t wait to leave the meeting and go feed the craving they just spent an hour talking about.

    For anyone who is offended by what I am saying and it is because you have indeed found a way for a “program” other than God’s Program to work for you, then, I am sorry. I will say this, I don’t think it will last, in the sense that these meetings cannot fill you up with a fullness that comes from a living and powerful God, and eventually you will find yourself “wanting” more, and when that time comes please reach out to Him, the One and only thing that can finally once and for all fill you up and set you free! It might not be for 13 years, but you will not sustain freedom from addiction by becoming addicted to meetings, programs or by chanting a “one day at a time” mantra.

     If you replace those empty places inside of you with the One and Only Living God you will not spend the rest of your life claiming to be recovering from an addiction, you will be set free from any and all addictions that torment you forever. You will not be putting your faith, hope and future in the hands of some unknown entity you might know as God. Our Great God will set you free by and through the blood of His Son Jesus Christ and you will be set free indeed!

    You truly have to want to be free, as I said, some people want to become dependent on meetings and mantras, etc., but if you are serious and you ask God Almighty the One powerful enough to set you forever free, to show you that He can set you free, and you begin to seek Him and His ways He will NOT fail you!

    

    You will forever crave something more if you don’t fill yourself with God and the reason for this is that you were created by Him and for Him, your spirit and His Spirit long for each other. The bible tells us this in Romans 8:16 “The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God.” (NKJV) A sort of homing device, if you will, that God put inside of us--that  our spirit knows we belong to Father God! The Message says it like this, “God’s Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who he is, and we know who we are: Father and children.”

     

    I strongly believe that we can never be completely free from addictions until and unless we fill the “longing” in us with God and I also believe that is why people have become bound in addiction in the first place. They have not yet filled the part of them that is “longing”, “wanting”, “needing” more than this world has to offer, they haven’t been filled with the fullness of God Almighty, and they have not understood the real and specific reason for the journey of their life. 

    My heart breaks for people who spend a ton of money while time and time again checking into rehab centers in hopes that this time it will finally work. Even celebrities and the very wealthy are always and forever checking into high-end facilities, getting better for a while and then relapsing. Why? They need Jesus to set them free! Their money isn’t fulfilling them, their lifestyle isn’t fulfilling them, nothing but the Spirit of God can fulfill them.

    God has great and glorious things in store for us (Jeremiah 29:11) and spending the rest of our lives here on this earth recovering from an addiction is not one of the great things God has planned for us. He has plans to use us to further His Kingdom and to lead people to Him and show them with our lives how He can and will set them free!

     There are no meetings, badges or programs this world can offer us that will fill us enough that we will never need another addiction---only God is enough.

    This is why I am always saying that God is the ultimate addiction, because, if I am forever going to be addicted to something or someone then by all means let it be GOD ALMIGHTY and may I NEVER recover from this addiction to My Savior!

~

"Ain't No Shame In My Game"

    This slang term used to be a popular one and my younger daughter says it jokingly, but for those of us who have dealt with or are dealing with addiction shame is a very real issue and one that can keep the cycle of addiction spinning out of control. The stigma of addiction is the very thing that feeds the monster of habit. When people feel shame and condemnation they seek something that makes them feel better and that is usually an external thing that becomes habitual and so on and so on!

      One thing I have learned and am finally accepting in my life is that shame is one of the things Jesus took to the cross with Him and He doesn’t know how to look upon us with shame because there is none. “There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit” (Romans 8:1 NKJV) and “Those who look to Him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame” (Psalm 34:5 NIV). As long as we are walking “in Him” there is no shame or condemnation.

      Condemnation is something the devil likes to try and use against us—he  is the lord of shame. If he can keep you operating under shame and condemnation he knows you will not be effective for God.  Satan will keep telling you that you are nothing but an addict and that you can never be free. He will tell you even if you have already been set free from drugs, drinking, pornography or whatever the addiction may be, he will try to tell you that everyone knows what you used to be and they don’t believe you are or can be changed and set free. It’s a LIE! It’s a LIE! I’m going to repeat it...this is one of the biggest lies you will struggle with, BUT it is a LIE!!! Remember, who the Son sets free, is free indeed! (John 8: 36)

      Don’t waste precious time that should be spent to grow in God and your new found freedom from addiction by believing the lies of Satan. Don’t wallow in shame because any shame you are experiencing is coming from the enemy of your soul and he does not want you free. It is his job to keep you bound so DON’T help him by believing his lies!

      God delights in using broken people, the more broken we are the more glorified He is. Fixing broken people is what our God does. Once we are free it is then our job to tell the world how He delivered and set us free! This is how we grow in what God has done for us, we help others.  We also overcome Satan by telling others how God set us free. “And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony...” (Revelation 12:11 NKJV).  Words have tremendous power and when we speak God’s word we have supernatural power. By God’s words the entire universe was created and everything in it! God’s words have supernatural power and He is more than willing for you to access that power for your own life.

      Here is the hard part for all of us who have a “dark” past that is less than “shining”. The devil will use people in your life and around you, if you let him, to try and impart shame and condemnation on you, and even though Jesus redeemed us from the shame of our past when He paid the price for our past, and God remembers our past no more...people will never forget and they rarely forgive (even if they say they have). So we must keep our focus on the truth, that we are new creations in Him and without our past we don’t have a testimony to tell the world what He saved and redeemed us from!

       Never underestimate the power of your testimony...your story of how you and God came to be...how you and Jesus first met...the first time you and the Holy Spirit had a Supernatural Experience! All of these are what feed your spirit and destroy the enemy and at the same time you are sowing seed, spreading God’s Good News so that others will see what a great God we serve and WANT Him too!

      I can tell you that I have done enough things to myself and exposed my children (adults now) to enough things as a very young single mom that if I did not have the blood of Jesus to wash me clean every day I would literally die from the weight of the shame. I will share some more of my “past” in later blogs, but for now I want to stay focused on keeping away from the trap of shame.

     There is absolutely no sense at all in seeking freedom from addiction only to succumb to the bondage of shame and condemnation.  Jesus did not endure your condemnation on the cross for you to now wallow in the mire of shame. Shame is/was part of the addiction it is NOT something separate—they are one in the same. Think about that—if you are no longer addicted then there is NOTHING to bring shame upon you!

      If you have been set free from the external addictions, but are still suffering or struggling with shame you must try to remember that any sense or feeling of shame is in your thoughts and your mind but not in your reality. Get your thoughts lined up with your truth; because, we know that God does not look upon us with shame. He sees us as the righteousness of Jesus Christ because we are! (2 Corinthians 5:21) If we see ourselves differently we are not living in Him and we have not let Him truly set us free.

     God showed me in my heart that it was the same as crucifying Jesus His precious son over again each time I chose or choose to allow shame to have a place in my spirit and my heart. Oh how hurtful it is to Him to allow shame to have the spot in our heart and life that is meant for “that very One” who redeemed us and set us free from “that very shame”! He was already condemned in our place! Let’s not continue to condemn Him by taking on the shame He already forgave and set us free from.

      Sometimes I just imagine God is in heaven thinking...what sin, what shame, what are you talking or suffering about? I have already set you free and I don’t remember what you are even talking about! Of course, He knows in the sense that He sees our hearts and knows us better than we know ourselves. But He can’t forgive you twice for something He has already forgiven you for, that would be like saying His work was not a complete work, or it is like asking Jesus to go to the cross AGAIN because it just didn't work for you the first time!!! WHAT? Would we literally ask Jesus to do that? NO!  But each time we do not walk in the complete freedom of our redemption that is essentially what we are doing.

     when I am sharing these things with you they are meant for me as much as anyone else. I struggled many years with shame and to be honest it still tries to creep up in my life so I have to be careful and vigilant in my own freedom from addiction and shame. I have to constantly walk “in Him” to be free from the shame of my past.

        Let’s walk in this new found freedom and new life in Him together and give God the Glory for all He has and is going to do in our lives!  And remember, “Ain't no shame in my (your) game”, Jesus took it to the cross with Him...forever!

      Praise the Powerful Name of Jesus!

~

  

Practical Steps To Help You Live In Freedom From Addiction

  

  Jesus is the ultimate addiction!  

I have experienced being supernaturally touched by God and I can tell you that His touch is better than any drug you’ll ever do or any high you’ll ever experience.  But we don’t all get supernaturally touched by God, in the sense that we can physically feel it, and we don’t serve Him with, or because of our “feelings”.  However, don’t lose hope, there is still God’s supernatural power to deliver you and set you free from any bondage that keeps you from Him and His will for your life.

                         This process will work:   

                         1. If and because you want it to help you…...

                         2. Because you have the supernatural power of                                 God...

                                          
                         3. If you believe in the power of prayer and                                       God’s Word...

     Without these elements I don’t give freedom from addiction much hope, but if you will engage sincerely and “addictively” to these you can have success, growth, and best of all freedom in your future. 1. You have to want this process to work. 2. You have to have God’s supernatural power to help you. 3. You must believe in the power of prayer and God’s word. Prayer will direct your actions, and your actions will direct your prayers, and His word will be your guide and instruction book. Read and study His word and you will find the wisdom, the strength and the courage to stay on this path of freedom from addiction.
     Here are some in the moment, right now steps you can do- they will help you if you get into "a habit" of using them.

1.     To help with this, begin to visualize your life free from your addictions, see it in your mind’s eye, entertain these thoughts often, think about and visualize what great and godly things will replace the addictions. Do this ALL the time, as often as you crave to go to the other addictions, do this instead.  It may seem menial--but I know it works!

2.    You must believe that you can change and that it is God’s will that you change, and make sure to give Him all the glory and honor for your new life. Also, remember that God is more powerful than any drug or addiction, and He is NOT shocked by anything you are bound in—He died for your addictions. He died to set you free from anything that keeps you from Him!

3.    When you are craving your addictions, get somewhere quiet and private (if possible) and pray, pray and pray some more—begin to ask Him to strengthen you, ask Him to fill you with His Spirit and thank Him that He is taking the desire away and filling you with the things of God and His Kingdom.  Now, begin to fill your mind and thoughts with these new godly cravings and desires—Keep praying and meditating on these things until the craving passes—It Will! When the craving comes again, pray again, meditate and think on these godly things until they are the things you crave the most. When you begin to see results from your prayers, you will begin to crave the things which bring results: Godly thoughts, prayers and desires that are godly and free from the addictions. These are the things which will and should replace the old addictions. Be faithful to these things and God will fill you with brand new godly desires and cravings. Desires that are eternal and matter to God and His Kingdom. WOW! Doesn’t that seem like something that is worth giving up your destructive wants and desires for?

          These new desires will hold a place in God’s heart and His Kingdom and they will have eternal purpose! When these new godly desires are sought after and fulfilled they will bring a sense of fulfillment that no earthly thing, addiction, or want could ever compare to, and the best part, there is NO destruction when habitually going to them over and over again!

    “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, ALL things have become new.” (2 Corinthians 5:17 NKJV)

    You are NOT once an addict ALWAYS an addict! If we believe this then we can have no hope in our Savior and His power to deliver us from evil/addiction and set us free. But we do have hope! We have the only real hope there is, we have the power of God Almighty and the blood of Jesus. This is not the false hope the world gives, this is the hope of Jesus Christ our Redeemer.

    “If God Is For Us Who Can Be Against Us?” (Romans 8:31 NKJV) There is nothing more powerful than His power to set you free. If He wants us free (of course, He does) and we want freedom too, then nothing can hold us back.

    Embrace this new life free from addictions, in your thoughts and actions, even if at first it seems awkward. Surround yourself with positive, godly people who have also been changed by the power of God and soon it will not be awkward at all. It will be the way things are now that you are a new creation in Him!

    If anyone is “in Christ” he is a new creation. This means you must live “in Him”, you MUST embrace and engage this newly created life in Jesus in order to overcome the old cravings and desires. Live in freedom with Jesus and pursue your new life just as tenaciously as you did the old life and see how much  supernatural power you will have to overcome the old desires and way of living. Seek Him, His word and His ways. Fill your days with the things of God. He is your Refuge, your Tower of Strength, your Hiding Place, your Prince of Peace.

      He will never leave you at any time along this journey to freedom from addiction. NEVER!

    Hallelujah! He is a good and gracious God and He wants us free from the bondage of sin and addiction. He wants it for you even more than you do, so you do your part and He will do even more!    

~