I will
be honest and let anyone interested know that I have not posted in awhile because
I have been going through some serious crises in my life, and yes, I mean
plural. Besides suffering from a wicked bout of some kind of nasty flu which
the enemy tried to take me down with and having to move for the second time in
the last two and a half months and both moves were completely unexpected and
unprepared for—I was also devastatingly hurt and completely betrayed by someone
very close to me and this person is someone I trusted and thought would never
do to me what they did. My purpose in telling this is not to make this person
look, seem or feel bad and I’m not going to dwell on them or what they did—I
say it simply to make the point that just when we think we can count on people
as much as we can count on and trust God we will soon come to realize that
people will let us down and they will do it just when we trust and count on
them the most. People will hurt us and harm us even when they don’t mean to and
never wanted to—it is human nature and it happens. Yes, that also means me, I
have hurt and let others down many times, I am not proud of it, I am just being
honest.
God is
the only source of total and complete trust and if we can understand this then
we can learn to have relationships with people without unrealistic expectations
and thus not be so devastated when they can’t live up to what we want from them
and vice versa. Now, I am not saying that
there are no trustworthy people in the world or in our lives, but people are
people, they are not God and only God Almighty can be trusted ALWAYS and
FOREVER and once we realize this we can stop putting expectations on ourselves
and others that should never be put on us and them. Yes, even if they are
brothers or sisters in the Lord, they can and will hurt us and harm us and let
us down. God wants us to look to Him during these times and ask Him to show us
what the purpose in the hurt is and how we can learn something spiritual from
what we have gone through. I’m not going to say that I have arrived at some
special place where I know how to avoid getting hurt or hurting others in my
relationships or that I always learn the spiritual lesson in a hurtful
experience, but I want to and that is why I am writing about it now.
God’s
word tells us in Micah 7:5, 6, 7 (NKJV), “Do not trust in a friend; Do not put
your confidence in a companion…” and “…A man’s enemies are the men of his own
household. Therefore I will look to the Lord; I will wait for the God of My
salvation; My God will hear me.” Now again, this does not mean there are no
trustworthy people in our lives it simply means that we cannot put our complete
and total trust in people, even those we have close ties and deep relationships
with because if we could completely count on people we would have no need for
our Savior and closest friend Jesus Christ.
But we do need Him and it is never more evident than when we have been
crushed by people.
I think
the key to a successful relationship is, first of all, we should seek to have
relationships with others who are walking with and completely committed to the
Lord and I think we have to put and keep Christ at the center of those relationships
and if things are not centered around Him and His plan for everyone involved
then we must ask ourselves what is the purpose of the relationship? Is the
relationship bringing glory and honor to God and is it furthering His kingdom
in some way or another? Is the relationship edifying and uplifting to everyone
in the relationship or is someone constantly feeling like they can’t or don’t
measure up to the other/s? Are there unspoken and misunderstood expectations
from one or all parties in the relationship? I don’t think it is wrong to want
to know what is expected of someone in a relationship and to let them know what
you expect. I know that if relationships
are new and just beginning then maybe we don’t know exactly what we expect but
there are some basics that can always be considered and, of course, this begins
with mutual respect and honor for each other and as I stated before a desire to
seek the things and kingdom of God and what direction He would want the
relationship to go in. Worldly relationships aren’t easy and they usually don’t
have much depth to them, but a Christian relationship is not necessarily easy
either because it will take effort. But with God at the forefront and what He
wants from and for each of us and if we are looking to Him for our direction
and purpose then it shouldn’t be extremely difficult or tumultuous to acquire
and maintain a friendship and if it is then check it (the relationship) with
the Spirit and purpose of God. In other words, we shouldn’t be consumed with
unfulfilling, demeaning and or damaging relationships with others. This is not
part of God’s wonderful plan for us—to be in relationships with others that
aren’t really serving His purpose for our lives. That doesn’t mean we can
exclude loving others no matter what, but we can’t waste our God-given time,
energy and effort pursuing friendships with people who aren’t equally yoked
with us in the ways and purposes of the Lord. The scriptures tell us in
Proverbs 3:5-6 (NKJV), “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on
your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct
your paths.” This means that if we are actively seeking the Lord and His ways
and purposes in our relationships He will keep us in the way we should go and I
believe this means our friendships and relationships with others too as He
knows who will edify us and who needs to be uplifted by our qualities and
virtues.
Remember, we serve a God who knows everything about us and that includes who we should
have close and purposeful relationships with. In Proverbs 27:17 (NKJV) it tells
us that “As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his
friend.” This is the kind of friendship God wants us to pursue and nurture, one
that will sharpen each other for His cause and purpose.
Even if
you have spent time in a destructive or damaging relationship be at peace
because as I like to remind you (and myself), there is no waste with God and
what the enemy meant for harm God will turn into a spiritual lesson for our
growth. Of course, there is the obvious lesson and that is, you now know what
is not healthy and edifying when it comes to future relationships and you can
draw strength from knowing that what you experienced before will be like a “Holy
Spirit” flag of warning for your future relationships. I believe another lesson
is learning to love just how individual and unique each and every one of us is
and as I have said before, that can make life on this earth interesting. How
boring and unchallenging would our lives be if we all moved, walked, learned
and loved in the same way? I think it would be extremely boring and uncreative
and we don’t serve an uncreative God, we serve “The Creator” and His people are
creative and exciting! So if you are
dealing with regret about past relationships try to remember that God turns
regret into redemption and restoration for our souls and I believe that God
doesn’t even know that word—regret. Of course, God knows everything, what I
mean is that God doesn’t want us to know what regret is and if we are
genuinely remorseful and have a contrite spirit and heart about past
relationships then there is nothing to regret because we now have more of God’s
wisdom and guidance for the future. Again, I must reiterate, There Is No Waste
With Our Great God!
I believe
another way to avoid unhealthy relationships in the future is to remember that
His purpose and plan for us is now our purpose and plan and there is always a godly
goal to everything and a spiritual purpose for everyone who comes into our
lives so when we are pursuing relationships we can ask ourselves this question,
do I know that the ultimate result of this relationship is serving an eternal
purpose? Another way to put this is—will we be talking about this with each
other and our Father God when we get to heaven? Will what we are doing and
pursuing matter in heaven?
Yes,
now that we are becoming these new, exciting and interesting creatures that God
is creating us to be our lives have so much purpose and meaning that even
though it wasn’t so before we came to God, it is now true that even our so
called mistakes have an eternal purpose! What a great God we serve, that He
gives meaning to what never had meaning before and everything big or seemingly
small we experience or encounter has (if we let it) an eternal, heavenly and
godly purpose!
This
does not mean that we go without direction or God’s wisdom into relationships
just because God makes our mistakes matter—that is the very purpose of turning
our missteps into something for our good, a life and spiritual lesson to glean
from for our future relationships. So trust God when seeking your relationships
and ask Him if it is a relationship in which He not only approves of but that
He in fact ordained. If it is such a
friendship you will know because together those involved and invested in the
relationship will both benefit and grow in the things and ways of God and all
parties will know this in a deep place in their spirit. This is the kind of
sharpening of each other that God will honor and cause to grow and blossom for our
benefit and His glory! This does not mean there will never be challenges as the
relationship grows and develops but each person should be able to tell that
there is something spiritual that takes place when the relationship is being
focused on and lived out.
We
should seek to sharpen and be sharpened and I believe if we do this we will
find that even if we don’t have many friends or relationships the ones we do
have will be meaningful and full of eternal, spiritual and supernatural purpose
and what more could we ever want from any relationship? If we are honest we can
say that before we had godly friendships we sought relationships for how they
could benefit us and that was usually the extent of it, but now we want our
relationships to not only benefit us but to also benefit the other people in
the relationship, but mostly we want them to have a heavenly and godly purpose.
This is what God wants—for us to sharpen each other for all of eternity.
“As
iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another” Proverbs 27:17 (NIV).
I
think one of the most difficult things we may have to face concerning
relationships is that sometimes we outgrow them or God has shown us that they
are no longer serving the purpose they once served and we have to realize that
we must seek God during these times and see, if in fact, He is requiring us to
end the relationship because it is going in a different direction than God
intended it to go. I am writing about this because this is exactly what I am
going through in my life right now so I don’t have all the answers. I am
seeking the answers because the last thing I want to do is continue to pursue a
relationship that no longer has the Lord and His will for me (and others) as
the purpose of it. I am not saying that we stop loving those we have been in
relationships with as we are commanded to love others no matter what, but our
goals, desires, purposes and relationships should always have God and His
kingdom at the center of them. Nothing
is coincidence or random with God and His ways so we must remember that if we
seek Him He will show us and guide us and He will lead us to the truth of the
situation and relationship. This can be difficult as sometimes these
relationships that are now coming into question can be with not only loved ones
but family members and people who we are biologically connected to and our
flesh may tell us there is no way that God would expect or want this
relationship to end, but we must remember that in any situation we have our
free will so unless we are diligently seeking God about our friendships and
relationships we cannot know what the outcome will or should be.
God
loves us so much and He certainly doesn’t want us involved in relationships
that are damaging to anyone in the relationship. No, instead He wants us
actively pursuing and growing in relationships which will sharpen us for future
relationships and our eternity with Him.
Oh
what a glorious thought, in heaven (eternity) there will be NO dysfunctional,
co-dependent, hurtful or damaging relationships. Yes, we will just love each
other with an eternal love and because we will have already reached our eternal
destination there will be no more struggling to get along with each other! I
don’t know about you, but I want my relationships on earth to be ones which
will sharpen me and all those I’m in a relationship with and I want them to
continue to grow and flourish and bear godly fruit now and for all of eternity.
~
