Iron Sharpens Iron

I will be honest and let anyone interested know that I have not posted in awhile because I have been going through some serious crises in my life, and yes, I mean plural. Besides suffering from a wicked bout of some kind of nasty flu which the enemy tried to take me down with and having to move for the second time in the last two and a half months and both moves were completely unexpected and unprepared for—I was also devastatingly hurt and completely betrayed by someone very close to me and this person is someone I trusted and thought would never do to me what they did. My purpose in telling this is not to make this person look, seem or feel bad and I’m not going to dwell on them or what they did—I say it simply to make the point that just when we think we can count on people as much as we can count on and trust God we will soon come to realize that people will let us down and they will do it just when we trust and count on them the most. People will hurt us and harm us even when they don’t mean to and never wanted to—it is human nature and it happens. Yes, that also means me, I have hurt and let others down many times, I am not proud of it, I am just being honest.

     God is the only source of total and complete trust and if we can understand this then we can learn to have relationships with people without unrealistic expectations and thus not be so devastated when they can’t live up to what we want from them and vice versa. Now, I am not saying that there are no trustworthy people in the world or in our lives, but people are people, they are not God and only God Almighty can be trusted ALWAYS and FOREVER and once we realize this we can stop putting expectations on ourselves and others that should never be put on us and them. Yes, even if they are brothers or sisters in the Lord, they can and will hurt us and harm us and let us down. God wants us to look to Him during these times and ask Him to show us what the purpose in the hurt is and how we can learn something spiritual from what we have gone through. I’m not going to say that I have arrived at some special place where I know how to avoid getting hurt or hurting others in my relationships or that I always learn the spiritual lesson in a hurtful experience, but I want to and that is why I am writing about it now.

God’s word tells us in Micah 7:5, 6, 7 (NKJV), “Do not trust in a friend; Do not put your confidence in a companion…” and “…A man’s enemies are the men of his own household. Therefore I will look to the Lord; I will wait for the God of My salvation; My God will hear me.” Now again, this does not mean there are no trustworthy people in our lives it simply means that we cannot put our complete and total trust in people, even those we have close ties and deep relationships with because if we could completely count on people we would have no need for our Savior and closest friend Jesus Christ.  But we do need Him and it is never more evident than when we have been crushed by people.

I think the key to a successful relationship is, first of all, we should seek to have relationships with others who are walking with and completely committed to the Lord and I think we have to put and keep Christ at the center of those relationships and if things are not centered around Him and His plan for everyone involved then we must ask ourselves what is the purpose of the relationship? Is the relationship bringing glory and honor to God and is it furthering His kingdom in some way or another? Is the relationship edifying and uplifting to everyone in the relationship or is someone constantly feeling like they can’t or don’t measure up to the other/s? Are there unspoken and misunderstood expectations from one or all parties in the relationship? I don’t think it is wrong to want to know what is expected of someone in a relationship and to let them know what you expect.  I know that if relationships are new and just beginning then maybe we don’t know exactly what we expect but there are some basics that can always be considered and, of course, this begins with mutual respect and honor for each other and as I stated before a desire to seek the things and kingdom of God and what direction He would want the relationship to go in. Worldly relationships aren’t easy and they usually don’t have much depth to them, but a Christian relationship is not necessarily easy either because it will take effort. But with God at the forefront and what He wants from and for each of us and if we are looking to Him for our direction and purpose then it shouldn’t be extremely difficult or tumultuous to acquire and maintain a friendship and if it is then check it (the relationship) with the Spirit and purpose of God. In other words, we shouldn’t be consumed with unfulfilling, demeaning and or damaging relationships with others. This is not part of God’s wonderful plan for us—to be in relationships with others that aren’t really serving His purpose for our lives. That doesn’t mean we can exclude loving others no matter what, but we can’t waste our God-given time, energy and effort pursuing friendships with people who aren’t equally yoked with us in the ways and purposes of the Lord. The scriptures tell us in Proverbs 3:5-6 (NKJV), “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths.” This means that if we are actively seeking the Lord and His ways and purposes in our relationships He will keep us in the way we should go and I believe this means our friendships and relationships with others too as He knows who will edify us and who needs to be uplifted by our qualities and virtues.

Remember, we serve a God who knows everything about us and that includes who we should have close and purposeful relationships with. In Proverbs 27:17 (NKJV) it tells us that “As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.” This is the kind of friendship God wants us to pursue and nurture, one that will sharpen each other for His cause and purpose.

Even if you have spent time in a destructive or damaging relationship be at peace because as I like to remind you (and myself), there is no waste with God and what the enemy meant for harm God will turn into a spiritual lesson for our growth. Of course, there is the obvious lesson and that is, you now know what is not healthy and edifying when it comes to future relationships and you can draw strength from knowing that what you experienced before will be like a “Holy Spirit” flag of warning for your future relationships. I believe another lesson is learning to love just how individual and unique each and every one of us is and as I have said before, that can make life on this earth interesting. How boring and unchallenging would our lives be if we all moved, walked, learned and loved in the same way? I think it would be extremely boring and uncreative and we don’t serve an uncreative God, we serve “The Creator” and His people are creative and exciting!  So if you are dealing with regret about past relationships try to remember that God turns regret into redemption and restoration for our souls and I believe that God doesn’t even know that word—regret. Of course, God knows everything, what I mean is that God doesn’t want us to know what regret is and if we are genuinely remorseful and have a contrite spirit and heart about past relationships then there is nothing to regret because we now have more of God’s wisdom and guidance for the future. Again, I must reiterate, There Is No Waste With Our Great God!

I believe another way to avoid unhealthy relationships in the future is to remember that His purpose and plan for us is now our purpose and plan and there is always a godly goal to everything and a spiritual purpose for everyone who comes into our lives so when we are pursuing relationships we can ask ourselves this question, do I know that the ultimate result of this relationship is serving an eternal purpose? Another way to put this is—will we be talking about this with each other and our Father God when we get to heaven? Will what we are doing and pursuing matter in heaven?

Yes, now that we are becoming these new, exciting and interesting creatures that God is creating us to be our lives have so much purpose and meaning that even though it wasn’t so before we came to God, it is now true that even our so called mistakes have an eternal purpose! What a great God we serve, that He gives meaning to what never had meaning before and everything big or seemingly small we experience or encounter has (if we let it) an eternal, heavenly and godly purpose!

This does not mean that we go without direction or God’s wisdom into relationships just because God makes our mistakes matter—that is the very purpose of turning our missteps into something for our good, a life and spiritual lesson to glean from for our future relationships. So trust God when seeking your relationships and ask Him if it is a relationship in which He not only approves of but that He in fact ordained.  If it is such a friendship you will know because together those involved and invested in the relationship will both benefit and grow in the things and ways of God and all parties will know this in a deep place in their spirit. This is the kind of sharpening of each other that God will honor and cause to grow and blossom for our benefit and His glory! This does not mean there will never be challenges as the relationship grows and develops but each person should be able to tell that there is something spiritual that takes place when the relationship is being focused on and lived out.

We should seek to sharpen and be sharpened and I believe if we do this we will find that even if we don’t have many friends or relationships the ones we do have will be meaningful and full of eternal, spiritual and supernatural purpose and what more could we ever want from any relationship? If we are honest we can say that before we had godly friendships we sought relationships for how they could benefit us and that was usually the extent of it, but now we want our relationships to not only benefit us but to also benefit the other people in the relationship, but mostly we want them to have a heavenly and godly purpose. This is what God wants—for us to sharpen each other for all of eternity.

   “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another” Proverbs 27:17 (NIV).

       I think one of the most difficult things we may have to face concerning relationships is that sometimes we outgrow them or God has shown us that they are no longer serving the purpose they once served and we have to realize that we must seek God during these times and see, if in fact, He is requiring us to end the relationship because it is going in a different direction than God intended it to go. I am writing about this because this is exactly what I am going through in my life right now so I don’t have all the answers. I am seeking the answers because the last thing I want to do is continue to pursue a relationship that no longer has the Lord and His will for me (and others) as the purpose of it. I am not saying that we stop loving those we have been in relationships with as we are commanded to love others no matter what, but our goals, desires, purposes and relationships should always have God and His kingdom at the center of them.  Nothing is coincidence or random with God and His ways so we must remember that if we seek Him He will show us and guide us and He will lead us to the truth of the situation and relationship. This can be difficult as sometimes these relationships that are now coming into question can be with not only loved ones but family members and people who we are biologically connected to and our flesh may tell us there is no way that God would expect or want this relationship to end, but we must remember that in any situation we have our free will so unless we are diligently seeking God about our friendships and relationships we cannot know what the outcome will or should be.  

       God loves us so much and He certainly doesn’t want us involved in relationships that are damaging to anyone in the relationship. No, instead He wants us actively pursuing and growing in relationships which will sharpen us for future relationships and our eternity with Him.

       Oh what a glorious thought, in heaven (eternity) there will be NO dysfunctional, co-dependent, hurtful or damaging relationships. Yes, we will just love each other with an eternal love and because we will have already reached our eternal destination there will be no more struggling to get along with each other! I don’t know about you, but I want my relationships on earth to be ones which will sharpen me and all those I’m in a relationship with and I want them to continue to grow and flourish and bear godly fruit now and for all of eternity.

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Friends of God

                                 

     Sometimes when we first start out living this new life in Christ we can tend to feel lonely as we give up the ways and people of our past; especially, if we have not yet made new Christian friends. But God’s word tells us that we have a friend in Jesus, He is a friend who sticks closer than a brother (Proverbs 18:24) and we can count on Him—always. Also God’s word says, “God sets the lonely in families…” Psalm 68:6 (NIV). Even if you are single or living alone you are never really alone because you are now a member of God’s family so you now have many brothers and sisters.

     When studying God’s word remember that all of the accounts and stories in the bible are true and actually happened unless Jesus was speaking in parables which He did to His disciples and the multitudes that followed Him to help explain something they might not otherwise understand. So when we read the story of Abraham and how he trusted and obeyed God we can see in scriptures of the Old and New Testament that God considered and even called Abraham His friend! James 2:23 (NKJV) “And the scripture was fulfilled which says ‘Abraham believed God, and it was accounted to him for righteousness.’ And he was called the friend of God.” Also in Isaiah 41:8 (NIV) it says, “But you, Israel, my servant, Jacob, whom I have chosen, you descendants of Abraham my friend.” The promises and privileges of Abraham are also for us today. Wow! I don’t know about you but if I have God Almighty as my friend then how can I possibly be lonely?

      If God and His family are new to you then you might be thinking how can God be my friend when He is my Creator and my God? Here is the truth—God is many things to us who live for and serve Him and I encourage you to read and study His word and you will discover that for yourself. To those who know God well this is a truth in our life and we understand, embrace and proclaim it to others. God is everything to us!

     He is also our friend and we can turn to Him for friendship and companionship and we can know that He is always going to be there, not like the friends we’ve had in the world and in the past, but a friend who doesn’t skip out when things get rough or are not going just the way they want them to. Isn’t that what true friends do? Don’t they hang in there when everyone else has fled? Aren’t true friends the ones who we call upon during the worse possible times? Friends who are good and close friends don’t abandon us because we have been moody or less than pleasant and they are forgiving when we ask for forgiveness but don’t deserve it. Good friends don’t constantly find and dwell on our faults while never seeing the best in us. We all have some good in us, now that God has put His goodness in us, and a friend will look and FIND our rights not our wrongs and they will let us know that on a regular basis.

 Let me tell you, the only place you are going to find friends like that is God and His family. You will not find them in the world because so called friends in the world have ulterior motives when seeking your friendship and they are always going to want something in return for the friendship they offer you, if that is even what to call it—friendship?! In the darkness of addiction people think sharing in their sin or party supplies is an act of friendship, but is it? It is not. They will act as though they want nothing in return but they will expect you to supply them when their supply runs dry and they will remind you of how much they sacrificed to and for you. They weigh and measure the friendship by deeds done to and for each other, reminding you of things they did for you that you don’t even remember or the actual events didn’t happen the way they see it and it was actually you who did the good deed for them?! Does any of this sound familiar? That is not true friendship either, it is the world’s way of showing and expressing friendship, but it is not true friendship and when we have finally known what a real friend is we can finally understand and see that we never actually had friends in the world of addiction. They are what I consider “drug buddies”, “addiction companions”, and “drinking partners”; some were even “enemies” in the guise of friends.

     I think that might be how or why that old cliche' got started, “with friends like that who needs enemies?” It’s true though, and it is heart wrenching when you think you have a friend and you find out in the middle of a crisis that this person you viewed as such a good and close friend has nothing to offer you. They can’t offer you comfort the way God can, His word says in 2 Corinthians 1:3 (NKJV) He is the ”… God of all comfort.” He can and will comfort you the way you wanted your worldly friends to but they didn’t and couldn’t because they didn’t know Him.

     These so called friends ditched you when you needed them the most and they didn't care that you not only needed them but that you were devastated by their abandonment. Friends of addiction will turn on you when you were so sure they never would and they will also turn the wrong done to you into an infraction against them. Yes, when you needed someone the most they not only fled but also turned others against you. Does any of this sound or seem familiar? If you have lived in the world of addiction I know this is so familiar to you that it probably even brings up some of that old pain and hurt. Only dwell on the pain long enough to remind yourself that you don’t want the friendship that the world of addiction offers because it is not true friendship and there is no sense in missing any of that or those people—it didn’t and won’t last, and now you can say thank God for that!

     It is a matter of letting even the meaning of friendship become newly created in your heart and life.

     God Almighty and our Lord Jesus are your new best friends and they will never leave you, forsake you, abandon you or turn on you. The best part is they don’t have some crazy conditions or purpose for pursuing you as a friend, they are simply and completely your friend with no ulterior motives. Doesn’t that sound great and haven’t you wanted a friend like that all of your life? You have one in Jesus. Embrace this new friendship and call on Him to show you how to have a friendship that is true and real and worth all the effort put into it.

    

     The other really great thing about God’s family is when you begin to pursue friendships in the body of Christ you can know that your friends in Christ will literally be the best friends you have ever had. They are friends who will be there for you, and support you, and help you, and instead of turn on you they will pray for you. Now don’t get me wrong people are people so I am not saying you will never again be hurt by people but what I am saying is that your closest friend Jesus and God the Father will lead you into good, safe and healthy Christian friendships if you ask and are obedient to what and who God directs you to. 

     When you are feeling lonely and you haven’t yet made some good Christian friends just talk to God, thank Him that He was a friend of Abraham and He is also a friend of yours. Thank Him that His word and the promises in His word are for you right now, today. Jesus is your friend, the one who sticks closer than a brother so talk to Him as such and tell Him that you want to make and have new friends in the family of God and I assure you that He will bring them into your life and you can learn how to not only have, but also be, a real true friend because now your best friend is God. There is no better friend in the secular world or the Christian world so trust Him and He will bring many new and “true” friends into your life.  

     Hallelujah, we are friends of God!

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